(Atlanta, GA) CNN.com surprised the journalistic world today by designating child beauty pagaent star Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson the Most Intriguing Person of 2012, edging out North Korean leader Kim Jong Un.
The only other newsworthy figures were Trayvon Martin, the Florida teen tragically shot earlier this year and Grover Norquist, Republican lobbyist and douchebag.
“I’m so proud of my little angel!” Honey’s mother exclaimed. “She pushed Obama, Romney and Kim Chee (sic) clean off the list!”
CNN Editor-in-Chief Bobo the Chimp explained the choice of the diminutive TV “star”:
“Chee-chee! Woo-woo-woo-woo!”
(Roughly translated: “Yeah, we admit we’re not even pretending to be a news organization anymore. We just throw out a lot of shiny objects to distract people from what’s really going on. Who really wants to read about Syria or budgetary problems anyway?”)
