Video by Corey Clark
Video: Scott Brown: Dream or Nightmare?
Video: “KONY2012”
(If we just could kill one evil man, the world would live in peace)
Video: “Heard it On Fox”
(For people who get their news fourth or fifth-hand)
Republicans Vow to Make the World Safe for Totally Un-Funky White Dancing
Posted in Political Videos, Troutboy's Blog, Videos
Tagged Republican National Convention, Republicans, White People
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“I Was Talking About The American People Being Legitimately Raped by My Party…”
“From what I understand, which is not much, when my party rapes the American public, it has a way of shutting down.”
(St. Louis, MO) Rep. Todd Akin made a follow-up appearance on KTVI-TV today to explain his controversial comment that women who are “legitimately raped” do not get pregnant.
“I mis-spoke and I’m terribly sorry. What I meant to say was that When the AMERICAN PUBLIC is legitimately raped by my party, they have a way of shutting down so they won’t get hurt. That’s what I’ve heard from an economist friend of mine.”
“See, I don’t support any kind of controls on Wall Street or banks because I know when the American public gets legitimately raped by them, it isn’t really affected.”
“If the American public complains about it, how do we know it wasn’t asking for it?”
“They shouldn’t have choice. There should be no exceptions. Even if the economy dies.”
Posted in Offensive, Political Comedy, Troutboy's Blog
Tagged Insane Idiots, Rep. Todd Akin, Republicans, Wall Street
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Romney Releases Plan for New White House
1,000 feet of living space, room for 80 passengers and the capacity to strap 25 dogs on the top.
(La Jolla, California) Presidential candidate Mitt Romney today released his design for a floating White House.
“If elected President, the first thing I will do is to move the seat of Presidential power from Washington to a custom-built yacht off the coast of California.
“This will accomplish several things. First, It will be more comfortable that that pathetic shack Obama’s in which is, frankly, not as roomy as any of my three homes.”
“Secondly, it will allow me to visit all that offshore money I’ve got and the jobs I’ve outsourced.”
“Thirdly, and most importantly, since the yacht will be anchored in international waters, I will rule as President-for-life with unlimited powers, forever.”
“Stand back 99%ers or I’ll blast ye right out of the water.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to test out the naval guns I’ve installed to repel pirates and disgruntled and starving poor people.”
“If only we had voted for Obama!”
Posted in Political Comedy, Troutboy's Blog
Tagged Floating White House, presidential election, Romney
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Release of iPhone 5 Delayed by Lazy Chinese Workers
“I don’t care if you’re working 70 hour weeks for $1.78 an hour. I want a slightly bigger display for playing Temple Run”
(Longhua, Shenzhen Provence, China) Apple Computer’s new iPhone has been delayed indefinitely due to the overall laziness of Chinese workers.
As Apple spokeswoman Gail Wombat pointed out:
“Some investigators claim that workers at the factories where we make our iPhones work up to 70 hours a week. But I’d like to point out that means they don’t work 98 hours a week. So I have to ask: are you going to be a glass-half-full or glass-have-empty person?”
“They don’t get paid much for doing very repetitive tasks, but you have to admit iPhones are pretty cool. Most people would kill to play with them all day long.”
“And working all day long keeps from thinking about how they don’t have any labor rights and stops them from committing suicide!
Meanwhile, in Cambridge Massachusetts, Apple fan-boy Harold Harney expressed his excitement about the upcoming iPhone 5 release:
“I heard it’s going to be 2mm thinner and a couple of cm wider. That’s progress! If I can get a cool new phone, I don’t really care about some worker in China. Hmm…that makes me hungry. I could really go for some Kung Pao Chicken right now.
Posted in Tech News, Troutboy's Blog
Tagged Apple, China, Foxconnn, iPhone, labor rights
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Romney to NAACP: If Elected, I Will Repeal Obama’s Term in Office
“If elected, I’ll take Obama out of the Presidential lineup. George Bush and I will be shmushed together, like when you take a book out of a tightly-packed bookshelf”
(Houston, TX) Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney was booed during a speech today before the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP).
The uproar happened when Romney announced that, if elected, he would not only repeal Obamacare, he would also repeal Obama’s entire candidacy.
“Obama’s whole Presidency will be gone. Just like it never happened. Now that may sound harsh, but let’s face it, he just made a mess of things and it’s for the good of the country.”
“My first act as President will be to fire everybody he hired, rescind all his Executive orders, and put everything back to the way it was after George [Bush] left. Then I’ll burn his Presidential portrait and expunge his name from all official documents.”
“Getting rid of all mentions of him on the Internet will be harder. But instead of hiring government workers to do it, I’ll just shut the whole web down for a while. That will increase security and make it easier to declare martial law and establish Mormonism as the state religion.”
“George Bush was President number 43, so Obama would be out and I would move into slot number 44.”
“It’s not because he’s Black. I saw my Dad march with Martin Luther King. No, I didn’t see him, but I supported his views on Civil Rights. No, I didn’t. In fact, I want to reverse the Civil Rights Act.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be jumping in my tank and driving away.”
Posted in Misc Funny Stuff, Plankton's Blog, Political Comedy
Tagged barack obama, insanity, Mitt Romney, NAACP, Obamacare
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