(Tampa, FL) Mitt Romney laid out his environmental policy at the Republican National Convention last night when he said, “President Obama promised to slow the rise of the oceans, and heal the planet. I promise to help you and your family.”
“During my administration, we will exploit every possible natural resource we can. I know how to exploit things. I’m a good businessman.”
“Drill me, Mitt!”
“Our motto will be ‘Drill Baby, Drill. In fact, I’m appointing Sarah Palin as Energy Chief and she will go on television every day and cry out “Drill Baby Drill!” every hour on the hour. She will give each and every man woman and child a helmet and pickaxe. They will be expected to mine for coal and drill for oil all day, every day, to make sure the oil companies have enough profits–I mean we have energy independence.”
“We won’t try to heal the planet. We can’t. We’re fucked.”
“I’m just hoping the moon is really made of cheese, because I’m starving.”
“The best we can do is try to make as much money as we can, live it up until the country fries to a crisp or is covered with water, and then rocket off to Gringrich’s colony on the moon.”
“At least that’s me and the 1% plan to do. I hope the rest of you poor schmucks know how to swim.”
“These vagabond shoes…are floatin’ away….”
I love Newt’s space suit. Hope his next wife likes fat guys!