It's not pollution from oil and coal that's causing the earth to heat up. It's all caused by gay pride.
(Houston, TX)
Executives of major oil companies, backed by a group of snivelling scientist-like experts, announced that they had finally come to the conclusion that climate change was indeed real and caused by humans.
But unlike most Earth scientists, who believe emission of greenhouse gasses caused by emission of carbon is the culprit, the leaders of the Climate Lessons for Saving Earth Today (CLOSET) claim that the heating of the Earth is due entirely to gays “opening up the fiery pit of Hell with Sin and Fornication.”
In a statement written on the back of a Denny’s menu, chief pseudo-scientist Tom Bombadill put forth his simple theory. “God is angry. Hell is hot. Being Gay is evil. Evil people go to Hell. There’s a lot of gays because of Liberal media. Hell’s kind of backing up. Ipso Facto, Boom. Global warming.”
Hal E. Burton, chief spokesman for the Public Institute for More Petroleum (PIMP) put forth his own solution for Global Warming:
Some of these gay guys just need to meet the right gal. Then life can be Divine...
“First, hose ’em down. Give them one big cold shower to calm down their fornicating ways. Second, gather all the gays and lesbians in one place and force them to marry. Straighten them right the fuck up. Kind of like laminating two warped pieces of wood.”
“That way we can continue to make profits on oil. At least until we die in another ten years.”
Watch Out Rick! Pink Ties Make You Gay!
