"We have a duty to protect our Black Gold--oops, Black brothers!"
(Washington, D.C.) President Obama said in a letter to Congress on Friday that he has authorized the deployment of 100 U.S. special forces to Uganda.
But in what has been seen as a major gaffe, the President mistakenly sent the first draft of his letter, which has been leaked to Fish and Cheese.
We present it here in its entirety:
I’m Sending Military Advisors to Uganda to Protect the Oil
As you guys all know, we only have a couple thousand gallons of oil left in this country. And Uganda’s got what? A couple billion? That’s why we need so desperately to get in there. Before China or somebody else does.
Uganda terrorist leader Joseph Kory
Of course those Lord’s Army terrorist guys in Uganda that we’ll be going after are horrible vicious thugs. But let’s face it, there have been a lot of places where atrocities have been carried out all over the world where we haven’t even sent in one guy.
If it’s some place with a bunch of starving folks in the desert, nobody’s going to care because it doesn’t serve America’s interests.
Plus, it’s time to find a new “evil monster” out there so we can keep everybody from paying attention to how fucked up things are at home. You guys can do all the usual “rally around the flag” stuff and I’ll wag the dog. You pick up some points in the polls and maybe I’ll get another Nobel Peace Prize or something.
So let’s do the usual: you complain about me overstepping my authority, then we can wait for one of our guys to get killed so we can send in more troops.
"Goooooooood Morning Vietnam!"
John F. Kennedy
I’m going to be just like Kennedy in Vietnam in the early days. Except I don’t want to get shot later. That would suck. Big time.
