This afternoon President Barack Osama Bin Laden released his official birth certificate, admitting he had not been born in Hawaii as he has previously maintained, but in Kandahar, Afghanistan.
In addition, the president has revealed his true name, Barack Osama Bin Laden as well as the fact that he was the mastermind behind the 9-11 attacks.
In the wake of the announcement, Barack Bin Laden has dissolved the United States government and reconstituted it as an Islamic republic as per his pre-9/11 plans.
The only thing left to do is to usher in the One World government so the lizard people from the tenth dimension can take over. I just wish Trump and those gosh darn birthers hadn’t been so close on my tail. I had a lot more shenanigans up my sleeve.
And why wouldn’t anyone recognized me behind that ridiculous beard? I got it for $9.85 at the Halloween Hut at the mall?
I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!