{"id":513,"date":"2011-12-28T23:56:44","date_gmt":"2011-12-29T04:56:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fishandcheese.com\/wordpress\/?p=513"},"modified":"2011-12-28T23:56:44","modified_gmt":"2011-12-29T04:56:44","slug":"christ-bleeds-to-death-on-tea-party-members-lawn","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fishandcheese.com\/wordpress\/2011\/12\/28\/christ-bleeds-to-death-on-tea-party-members-lawn\/","title":{"rendered":"Christ Bleeds to Death on Tea Party Member’s Lawn"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Jesus<\/a>

Why have you forsaken me? And for God's sake why wouldn't you recognize me?<\/p><\/div>\n

(Tuscaloosa, AL) Jesus Christ bled to death today on the lawn of Tea Party member Herman Balstock in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Mr. Balstock, although a regular churchgoer, did not recognize the Son of Man, nor did he attempt to help him.<\/p>\n

“Christ, I thought it was some weird kind of Occupy protest or art thing or something. Here’s a weird hippie guy, covered in blood and hanging on a cross. He looked kind of familiar, but I couldn’t put a finger on it.<\/p>\n

\"Tea<\/a>

A modest home of a church going man turns into a modern-day Calvary<\/p><\/div>\n

“Anyway, no way was I going to help him. I figured I was going to end up paying his medical bills, just like Obamacare. Like Ron Paul says, if a guy gets hit by a car and doesn’t have insurance, let ‘im die. It’s not my problem.”<\/p>\n

“I called 911 and I peeked out my window from time to time until the cops came, but I was trying to hang my new flatscreen so I could watch Jim Cramer on the CNBC. Got to keep your eye on the markets. And a little Skinimax. Don’t tell the wife.”<\/p>\n

\"Jim<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Tuscaloosa, AL) Jesus Christ bled to death today on the lawn of Tea Party member Herman Balstock in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Mr. Balstock, although a regular churchgoer, did not recognize the Son of Man, nor did he attempt to help him. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,135],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-513","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-political-comedy","category-troutboysblog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fishandcheese.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/513","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fishandcheese.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fishandcheese.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fishandcheese.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fishandcheese.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=513"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/fishandcheese.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/513\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fishandcheese.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=513"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fishandcheese.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=513"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fishandcheese.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=513"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}