IET - Improvised Exploding Toilet
(Washington) A woman was taken to a hospital on Monday after a toilet she was sitting on in the General Services Administration (GSA) building exploded.
I predict:
The Republicans will find some way to blame this on Obama and use it as a campaign issue.
The Tea Party will agree to vote for fixing the toilet but only if Social Security is abolished.
The computer in question. It was removed and taken to Craig's uncle's house "at least until he gets off Academic Probation"
(Peekskill, NY) The “Anonymous Hacker Group was shut down this afternoon when the teen behind the group, Craig Havermeyer, had his computer taken away by his mom.
The Havermeyer House - Who knew it was the world-wide center for computer hacking?
“I don’t mind him being on the computer doing all his little hacker games. I don’t mind him talking online with that Wikipedia (sic) guy Asange who leaked all the documents,” Said Craig’s mother Sandy Havermeyer in an exclusive Fish and Cheese interview in the kitchen of her modest home in Peekskill, NY.
“But when I found out that he hadn’t been studying and he got a C in English and a D in Math, I hit the roof. He spends all his time on the computer. Don’t you think he’d get an A in Math?”
“C’mon, mom!” Craig interjected. “You don’t understand. There’s nothing to do around here.”
“If you did your homework, there’s be a lot to do.” Sandy prodded her son with the celery stick she was eating. Craig responded by grabbing the celery and throwing it on the ground.
“You’re a total bitch!”
Craig grabbed a soda out of the refrigerator and stomped out of the kitchen.
As he left, Ms. Havermeyer called out “Don’t you talk to me that way! I’ll throw that machine in the trash!”
“You’re bipolar! You’re bipolar!” countered Craig and slammed the door to his room.
"Mom, I hate you! Can you please give me my computer back? I need to start the revolution!"
“See what I have to deal with?” asked Ms. Havermeyer over the blaring sound of “Strength in Numbers” by the band Times of Grace.
“He’ll never get into college at this rate. I just hope he knows how to hack his way into someone’s checking account.
Even a six-ton object falling from space could not dent the thick sculls of the Tea Party Representatives
(Washington, D.C.) NASA’s six-ton Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite fell from space today directly on the heads of Tea Party Representatives. As expected, the thickness of their skulls prevented any injury whatsoever.
The satellite must have be a dolt-seeking missile
“We weren’t surprised that Tea Party members’ skulls would be that thick.” Explained Michael Hargrave, Senior Satellite tracking scientist for NASA.
"Hey Hey! Ho Ho! Clean Air Act has got to Go!
“After all, they did just pass the Transparency in Regulatory Analysis of Impacts on the Nation (TRAIN) act. Only a total numbskull would vote for a bill that rolls back the EPA’s ability to protect air quality. We’re estimating the average skull thickness to be approximately for inches, which also explain the size of their puny brains.”
“The good news is that if the Tea Party gets its way, the EPA will be gutted and the air will be so thick that satellites won’t even be able to fall out of the sky.”
“Of course, we’ll all be dead. But it’s good news for cockroaches, I guess.”
