Oh, Oh, Oh, Jamie’s Cryin’
(New York, NY) CEO Jamie Dimon disclosed Thursday that JP Morgan has sustained $2 Billion in trading losses.
The losses were caused by huge bets in Credit Default Swaps, the complicated insurance-like bets in credit markets that helped create the financial meltdown in 2008.
"Sorry I blew $2 Billion. But look how entertaining I am!"
The bets were made by an illusive trader known as the “London Whale.” As far as Fishington Cheesington post, the Whale is not an actual whale, and may in fact be a fish or may be made of cheese or some other edible substance or not edible at all, even by Japanese people.
“Hey, I should have kept better track of all this,” Dimon admitted on a conference call. “I should have read the newspapers. I been paying attention. Arrgh, I’m so mad at myself! Actually, I don’t understand any of this more than the average guy. When I’m listening to some analyst jabber on in a meeting, I’m just nodding and thinking about getting which kind of steak I’m getting for lunch at Delmonico’s.”
"Sorry, what were you saying?"
“I do know that we were trying to reduce risk. Not risk to the bank that you have your account in. The risk to JP Morgan making money.”
“If I were you, I’d keep your money under your Beauty Rest. That’s where mine is.”
“Sorry, I’m going to have to end this call. I’m going to have some steak for lunch. Whale steak, I think…”
