(Heaven) Although 71-year-old former Vice-President Dick Cheney has been successful in finding a heart donor and undergoing a successful transplant after 20 months on the waiting list, God has now denied his request for a new soul.
“I just don’t think he deserves a new one,” God said yesterday, speaking from his throne in heaven.
“He lied about Saddam having weapons of mass destruction just so he could go after Iraq’s oil and make money for Halliburton, his old company.”
“I don’t think he even deserved the new heart, but that was the doctors’ call. I created Heaven and Earth, but I did give them free will. They’ll have to live with themselves,” said the Creator, shaking his head.
“But up here, what I say goes. And I’m just glad Lucifer is going to be the one dealing with that smug asshole.”
“Oh, and by the way, can you guys stop fighting over what my name is. You don’t have to call me God or Allah or Yaweh or Vishnu or whatever. In fact, just call me by my first name. Larry.”
