"Romney? Gingrich? Paupers! Pish-Posh!"
(New York, New York) The Rich Guy From Monopoly has emerged from nowhere as front-runner in the race for the Republican nomination.
“If they want a rich guy who’s out of touch with America, why not pick the original?”
“Like Mitt and Newt, I’m part of the 1%. And like them, I don’t like to to pay taxes. Romney has money in the Cayman Islands, who knows what Gingrich’s got. And me? I keep it all hidden under the Monopoly board. Â Also, I’m the banker, so whenever I make change for anyone, I take a few hundred for myself. Â Who do you think taught Goldman Sachs all that stuff?”
My uncle taught me three important things in life: always buy the railroads, stash $500 under the board, and always, always volunteer to be the banker.
“Like them, I want to pay only 10% of my income in taxes, or $200, whichever is less.”
Instead of being in the 1%, I want to be in the .0001%
“and I promise, if elected, none of the Wall Street bankers will Go To Jail!”
Go To Jail
I’m still voting for the hat.
Republican hopefuls: You have won second place in a beauty contest, collect $10.
Bankers: Land on Go to Jail! Have no get out free cards and be given a single die to roll.