Christ Bleeds to Death on Tea Party Member’s Lawn

Why have you forsaken me? And for God's sake why wouldn't you recognize me?

(Tuscaloosa, AL) Jesus Christ bled to death today on the lawn of Tea Party member Herman Balstock in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Mr. Balstock, although a regular churchgoer, did not recognize the Son of Man, nor did he attempt to help him.

“Christ, I thought it was some weird kind of Occupy protest or art thing or something. Here’s a weird hippie guy, covered in blood and hanging on a cross. He looked kind of familiar, but I couldn’t put a finger on it.

A modest home of a church going man turns into a modern-day Calvary

“Anyway, no way was I going to help him. I figured I was going to end up paying his medical bills, just like Obamacare. Like Ron Paul says, if a guy gets hit by a car and doesn’t have insurance, let ‘im die. It’s not my problem.”

“I called 911 and I peeked out my window from time to time until the cops came, but I was trying to hang my new flatscreen so I could watch Jim Cramer on the CNBC. Got to keep your eye on the markets. And a little Skinimax. Don’t tell the wife.”